


The symmetry of me and you

by SpookyStar29



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Deckerstar as friends, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Lucilotte, Support, kinda slight AU but only in terms of "celestial bullshit gets public"
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:42:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29733372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyStar29/pseuds/SpookyStar29
Summary: After showing her his true face, Chloe is rattled and Lucifer and her decide they are better off as just friends. In the middle of a mutual crisis, the devil and Charlotte Richards find support in each other and their bond grows stronger. Charlotte who seems like the only human who was never scared of him, who was, on the contrary, glad he is how he is. And Lucifer who, because he is how he is, is the only one she can truly confide it.Their time together changes everything, as one day he finds himself looking at her and realizes he sees her differently than the day before …
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Lucifer Morningstar/Original Charlotte Richards
Comments: 12
Kudos: 15





	1. Extra - a little Lucilotte - song

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: No Deckerstar! I have no intention and will not make Chloe the bad guy, but in this story she finds out about Lucifer being the devil very early on and has a hard time dealing with it which is basically the reason why they never reached that point of thinking they might like-like each other.
> 
> Anyways ... I loved the Lucilotte-relationship so damn much I just couldnt not try this.

_Ohh tell me something that I don't know_  
_Is there a truth you try to hide_  
_You can let follow you home_  
_Do you hold on tightly_  
_Or just let it go?_  
_Would you sale all a moment breath_  
_The pay for what you owe_

_My conscience is broken_  
_This black hole is open_  
_Is pullen me past upon and no return_  
_Tell me i'm not the only one_  
_Feeling this lonely now_  
_Lord i need to now ..._  
_Does your heart bleed like mine?_  
_With each beat pumping at a time_  
_Is something burning deep down inside_  
_Can find the fire we can undo_  
_The symmetry of me and you_

_When you look me in the eyes_  
_Do you se a stranger smile_  
_Or a face that you recognize_  
_And does your body feel out of place_  
_And all this toughts you can't control_  
_And you now that you can't explain_

_Only you and me never can we break free  
You now where i'll be ...close to you  
Only you and me never can we break free  
You now where i'll be ...close to you  
Close to you_

Symmetrie - Gabriella Cilmi


	2. 1

"Chloe means a lot to you." She stated it out of nowhere, outside on his balcony, as they were both overlooking the nightly city lights.  
"Yes." He felt a claw around his heart as he thought back to this fateful Monday, that moment which was now about 40 hours in the past, that moment that changed everything between him and his partner.  
"This is why it hurts, Lucifer." Charlotte’s voice travelled over to him, soft, full of care and sadness. He wasn’t sure why he met her eyes, but as he did, he saw deep sympathy in those blue marbles. "People who are close to you, people who you love and care about and who do the same for you ... they are often the ones who hurt us the most."  
Yes. She seemed to be right. He wouldn’t even care half as much if Daniel had seen him like this and wouldn’t talk to him since then.  
"This is why we keep pushing people away. Because we are afraid."  
Her words made him wonder. "We?"  
"Yes. Humans, celestials. Everybody. Some more, some less."  
Lucifer turned, intrigued by the heaviness in her voice. "You are speaking from experience?"  
She signed heavily. "I don't know, to be honest."  
Lucifer blinked. "How can you not?"  
"Because ...” Her head sunk while she was resting her arms on the glass parapet. “I was never one to wish for the one and only, I never searched for the right person, and ... I don't know. Maybe my exact lack in the want of a stable relationship is the problem my most serious one fell apart."  
"Your ex-husband", Lucifer stated.  
It was obvious, but Charlotte nodded nevertheless.  
"Did you ... I mean, I am afraid to ask, but ..."  
"Did I love him?" Charlotte looked right at him, almost through him. "I think I did. Once. And then, it faded. We woke up separately, spend our day apart, the weekends were about the kids, at least we tried it, but ... it just..." She signed. "It kind of faded away."  
She laughed, but it sounded bitter. "Some days I wonder if I am even capable of loving someone. Or if I get bored to easily."  
He tried to ignore the piercing pain shooting through his heart. He thought he couldn’t get much worse since Chloe, apparently, had a problem with his true identity, but that had changed. "Well, whoever is lucky enough to be chosen by you should do everything in their power to keep you."  
Sie smiled at him, the warmest she had ever seen, and it did something to him. "You are sweet."  
He laughed. "No one has ever called the devil sweet."  
"Well no one has told ME that whoever was with me were lucky."  
"How not?"  
Charlotte gave him a "you are not seriously asking this". "You did not know me, Lucifer. My death changed me. Hell changed me. But before that ... I wasn’t a good person, and that's not just because of my guiltiness."  
He raised his glass and tried to be encouraging, though he really didn’t feel like it. "At least you know that now, and you change."  
Charlotte shrugged and put on a brave face. "It's what I'm trying."  
_We both are_ , he thought as they fell silent again.


	3. 2

Chloe was at work again. She even talked to him. But she was distant, trying not to be alone with him as much as it was possible.  
It nagged at him. He just wanted her to … to not be afraid.  
“I’m not afraid”, she said at one point, a strained tone in her voice. “I’m just dealing with … this.”

He was glad him and Charlotte would meet up again today. He had suggested ordering food and staying in the pool until it would cool down again, but a work emergency came up so he ended up having dinner on his own.  
She didn’t postpone it, though, and after he promised her he’d heat the water up in case it would get too cold, she was more than happy about being able to end a stressful day with relaxing on the top of a building over LA.

…

He was sitting on the rim, legs in the water, wearing a black tank and his swim shorts. He wasn’t really in the mood anymore, and pool time alone really wasn’t even half as enjoyable, and that was not only because Charlotte was eyecandy and he was actually curious of seeing her in a bikini.  
The thought had barely left his mind as he made out the sound of his elevator and instantly smiled.  
"Good evening, Mylady", he said without even bothering to look up.  
"Good evening to you to." He more felt her presence than heard her steps and only turned to look up as he sensed her stepping close next to him. She was wearing lightblue jeans, a simple t-shirt and – flip flops.  
He couldn’t hide the grin. He wouldn’t have thought he would ever see her in shoes like that.  
“My apologies, again.” She slipped off her shoes and took a seat next to him. They didn’t have that thing of personal space anymore, and he really didn’t bother it, on the contrary, she had even started to kiss his cheek as a goodbye and he found himself doing it more and more too.  
Actually – while him and Charlotte grew closer and closer, it seemed as if him and Chloe were miles adrift …

„Okay. What is going on.”  
Her voice brought him back to the present. He signed. “Nothing.”  
“Don’t lie to me”, she said in a tone that painfully reminded him of his mother. A tone that demanded an answer, and he knew she wouldn’t rest until he’d give her one.  
He exhaled. “The detective talked to me again.”  
She blinked; head tilted. “Shouldn’t you be happy about that?”  
“It is the way she talked. Only the necessary things. She clearly isn’t comfortable around me anymore.” He felt his shoulders slump, feeling helpless.  
“Give her time. She needs it.” Charlotte’s voice was soft, almost soothing enough to heal the emptiness in his heart.  
“YOU didn’t need time”, he held against.  
“I am not Chloe, Lucifer”, was her counter argument. “Each and everyone of us is different. For her … I have no idea if she’s religious or anything, but I guess seeing your devil face out of nowhere and without any warning did startle her for a moment, and you have to admit that her reaction is kind of understandable.”  
At this point he looked straight into her face, his guard down. “So what do I do?”  
Charlotte seemed to contemplate for a moment. He just watched her thinking, let his eyes travel from her hair to her eyes, her long lashes, her perfect nose and her lips, and suddenly … felt better.  
Just LOOKING at her made him feel better.  
As she spoke, the words almost sounded like a mantra, soft and mysterious. “Tell her you are there for her no matter what. That you are still the same person as before. Give her the time she needs and try to not make her feel like you are impatient, even though you are.”  
“And then?”  
“Then the rest’s on her.” Her eyes were clouded with something he couldn’t describe nor get a grip on, but it made him think. “Don’t cage her. Women don’t like it when they are being caged, and I think Chloe especially. She needs to come to you, not you running after her and begging her to … you know.”  
_To accept him._  
Yes, he knew.  
Didn’t make it easier, not really. But he knew she was right.  
She grabbed his hand and something shot through him. Something … nice, and warm. And it wasn’t because her skin was soft.  
“You need to be the strong one here. Even if it’s just pretending. It’s like having kids. They depend on you, and they need you to be strong and the solid rock, the safe heaven. Sometimes you just need to put on a brave face and tell them everything is going to be fine, even if you have no clue if it’s the case. Or like horses. They need a leader, someone they can trust. If that leader is indecisive, they won’t follow or obey.”  
He opened his mouth but she stopped him. “I do not mean that you have to be cold and downplay everything. Compassion is good. What’s even better is feelings. Emotions.” She seemed to still for a moment. “Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. Made that mistake a lot.”  
He smiled at her. “You are doing a really good job right now, you know.”  
She tilted her head again, that adorable, wide smile on her lips, and he wondered if she had any idea how much he appreciated her being here. Her being there for him.  
“And I am sure you and Chloe will figure this out.” She squeezed his hand one more time and their knees touched as she changed positions, and Lucifer felt a tickle all over himself. He felt the sudden urge to run place his hand on her knee, maybe her thigh even, just to absorb the warmth her body was exhuding.  
Why did it feel so good having her around? Was it because he missed the Detective? Was he, what did Linda say, projecting?

“Is that the truth or just you pretending and playing the positive one?” He tried to focus on the words and not on the fact that he had just daydreamed of touching her skin.  
“Both of it, if I’m honest.” Out of nowhere she grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head.  
He was actually glad he had finished his sentence before, because suddenly he found himself speechless. She folded the shirt, placed it on the ground, then stood up and focused her attention on unbuttoning her pants. “And now I’m finally doing what I have been waiting for this the whole day.”  
He couldn’t help staring her up and down. She wore a white one piece, the deep V-neck cleavage which was held together by two criss-crossed, thin straps suggested that she definitely did not chose it because wanted to hide something. On the contrary ... that thing was even sexier.  
Well, how could she be shy. And he was definitely not shy anymore as he let his eyes travel and linger at that certain spot. If she realized it, she didn’t mind.  
She lowered herself into the pool and he was more or less glad for the distance and the fact that the water hid most of her.

“You know, I’m proud of you.”  
After a few minutes of both of them indulging in their own thoughts and enjoying the easiness, she broke the silence.  
He blinked while raising his second glass to his lips. “You are?”  
“Mhm.” Charlotte rested her arms on the rim and looked up at him. “You managed to see me in a bathing suit and you didn’t freak out.”  
He knew immediately what she meant. “Well. It certainly is a nice view.” He was, again, very glad she was IN the pool so his eyes couldn’t move to a spot he really didn’t want them now. It was different with Charlotte. He certainly liked to compliment her and wasn’t shy about it, but it had a deeper meaning, for both of them.  
She tilted her head. "How weird is that for you?"  
He chose his words carefully. "You know ... the more I learn about YOU, the more I see you as ... you. Meaning it's getting better."  
“On a scale of 1 to 10?”, she chuckled.  
“If 10 is “very weird”, I think we are moving more and more towards a four.”  
Her eyebrows moved up and the wide smirk appeared. He had grown to love that expression on her face, it made her look so … slightly freaky, easy, not like some high class powerhouse of a woman, more like the friend he liked spending his time with. “Huh. That’s a start.”  
He smiled at her and felt something tug at his heart. “It’s more than a start, and you know that.”  
“Yeah.” She smiled up at him. “I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	4. 3

It had developed into a sort of ritual for both of them. She would come by almost every third day and they'd talk - or not talk. Sometimes they just had dinner together, sometimes she left right after, other days she dozed off on his couch.  
Lucifer realized that they both were seeking comfort from each other, Charlotte especially after a tough case, and he had grown really fond of having her around. And he was glad that, apart from being vegetarian, she had the exact same taste in food and music.

“I talked to Linda Martin”, she said at one point. “About … everything.”  
He knew immediately what she was referring to. “So she’s not scared of you anymore?”  
Charlotte shrugged. “I am not sure … it might take a while for our relationship to be truly repaired.”  
He squirmed in his seating spot. “Speaking of relationships …” He tested the waters. “What about you and Daniel?”  
Not that he cared much about him. But there was something within him that made his heart cramp just by the thought of them together.  
Charlotte answered right away. “Since he and Chloe now know the truth … it was fine for us both to talk about it. Good, actually.” Her lips twisted and her eyes focused on something far, far away. “I asked him about everything so we could be on the same page. He’s a good guy. Talking … helped. To close with that part of my life … or not my life, actually.” Just then something made her straighten up. That time, as she looked at him, she was all back to killer-lawyer with laser eyes. “Call him Douche once again and I’ll break your handsome nose, got that?”  
He couldn’t help but laugh. And got a hard, really hard punch in return.  
“Ouch!”  
“Told you. So?”  
He held up his hands in surrender. “Okay okay, promise.” He rolled his eyes, but the way Charlotte smirked in satisfaction showed she did understand it in just the right way.   
Still … he couldn’t just leave it there.  
“So …”  
Somehow she gave him just what he needed, no, what he wanted to hear. “I don’t know him, and he doesn’t know me. At least not the way he thought. And … right now, I am not ready for anything else than trying to figure out where to go.”  
He wasn’t sure why something within him was so relieved. And at the same time why the message behind her words stung and kept him awake for half the night.

It was the same feeling he got when Amenadiel came by next time, just for a quick chat, and kissed her cheek as a goodbye.  
He did not know what it meant, what it was, why it suddenly made his blood boil as he saw that one guy giving her eyes and even trying to flirt with her. He did not know why he found himself grinning like an idiot as she clearly showed her disinterest. He blamed _that_ emotion on the fact that he liked that side of her, that strong-and-tough-woman thing.  
But he also did not understand the inner flutter as she kissed his cheek and her hand stayed on his arm for a little longer than necessary – and why he suddenly felt alone as the elevator doors closed behind her.


	5. 4

It was warm today, again, and he decided to have dinner outside.  
Charlotte had been right. The detective needed time and space, and since a whole two weeks he did exactly that, and well … it seemed to work. Today she actually laughed at one of his jokes. And since three days, she didn’t seem uneasy anymore getting into his car.  
Maybe it would all work out some day, and it could be the same again as before – the elevator dinged right at that moment as he went back inside, and he stopped mid walking.   
His breath got caught in his throat and that had never, ever happened before. She was wearing a white dress that glued to her skin, it was a little shorter than knee length and had a v neckline that accentuated … everything in the most tasteful and yet provocative way possible.  
That and combined with her wavy hair and a silver necklace with the moon stone and silver heels made her look breathtaking.  
The woman who was Charlotte.  
The woman who suddenly woke something within him he could absolutely not place nor interpret. It was a mixture of a million things, a million things that felt incredibly, and …  
“You look absolutely gorgeous.”  
The words fell out but he didn’t regret a single syllable, because it was the absolutely truth.  
Charlotte’s lips twisted, but it wasn’t just the usual mischief sparkling in her eyes. “You are saying this while staring at my cleavage.”  
True, but how couldn’t he.  
“Doesn’t make it less true.” He grinned, let his eyes travel down one last time and ignored the feeling in his lower belly that was still there, and in that moment he could at least interpret what one of these emotions was.  
The crazy thing was just that it did not feel uncomfortable or out of place anymore.  
“And you certainly did know that people would notice.”  
“Well.” She smiled, and combined with her whole outfit it looked more lascivious than sweet. Also because she had a way of articulating that one word in a way that resembled the growl of a cat. “A woman likes to dress up from time to time.”  
“Don’t you always do that?”  
She looked at him as if she were contemplating something, wondering what to say or what he meant, as she blinked. “That’s a beautiful song.”  
Only then did he realize he had left the music on. “Headlights. By Nick Wilson.”  
It took him one look at her, one second to make a decision. He held out his hand. “Dance with me.”  
Charlotte’s eyes grew wide. “I wouldn’t have imagined the devil listening to this.”  
“Not the answer I was expecting.” He gave her a nod.  
And as she smiled, as she reached out and their hands interlaced, the warm feeling he had grown accustomed to whenever she was close to him enveloped all of him, head to toe.  
"For whom or what did you get all dressed up like this anyway?" "A dinner with some lawyer-colleagues. Slightly fancy, just catching up. It was quiet boring at the end though, so I decided to leave earlier." "Catching up." He pulled back and gave her a look. "In that dress." She crooked her eyebrow. "I wasn't planning to get laid if that's what you are thinking. I dress up for myself." Why did the thought of another man touching her suddenly made him feel so ... nauseaous? The material of her dress under his fingers felt wonderful, but maybe it was also the knowledge that apart from hugging her – which they seldomly did – he had never been this close to her. He could feel her exhale on his neck and relax into his touch, suddenly loved the fact that she was so tall.  
They didn’t speak. The music was playing softly in the background as they swayed, and he wondered if he had ever felt so light. He felt the sudden urge to run his hands through her hair, to feel if it was as smooth as he imagined, he wanted to know, needed to know -  
And there it was again.  
The flutter. The warmth … the heat. But it wasn’t the familiar heat he felt whenever he was close to a gorgeous woman, it was … it was in his heart, his throat, and suddenly all he could think of was her.  
Nothing else. Just her and the fact he wanted to pull her even closer.  
But contrary to that, he himself pulled back. Because he wanted to look at her. "You are beautiful."  
  
She stared back at him with a stunned expression on her face, only had to slightly lift her chin. "You just say that to be nice."  
They were so close, she was so close he could see his own reflection in her eyes, could see the little wrinkles around her eyes that made her even more gorgeous. His heart jumped at his next words and he felt an ease within himself, all at once, and he had no idea what it was, but he liked it. "No, Charlotte. I do not lie, remember?"  
Did she … did she _blush_ at that?  
"And you ... you are pure."  
Not it was him to stare. "Pure?"  
She smiled. "I love how you say that in your accent."  
“Charlotte you just called me “pure”.” He blinked, waiting for an explanation.  
She shrugged, almost looking sheepish. She was still standing close, he still had his hand on her waist. “It’s just … you are honest. You are blunt, charming, and sure, you might have your interests and personal goals behind doing certain things, but you wouldn’t use others. Not in a harmful way.” Her eyes fell on his collar. She ran a finger over it, then moved back to her previous spot. “It’s what makes you different to us humans.”  
They fell silent.  
Listened to the last remnants of the song.  
Her hand was still on his shoulder, burning through his dress shirt, and he wished he would have chosen a linen shirt or something very, very thin so he could actually feel -  
Again.  
The feeling.  
The pounding of his heart, and -  
she ran her hand down his chest, almost lost in thoughts and he felt his insides throwing a party.  
He didn’t drink too much, didn’t he? How many glasses did he have?   
“You wouldn’t use me.”  
The words were spoken in a whisper. Thoughtful, melancholic even.  
He managed to breathe again, even to fiddle for words, because hers just got to him in a way he didn’t like.  
“Why should I use you?”  
Her lashes trembled and she looked up at him. The look in her eyes took his breath away.  
He couldn’t read it, had no idea what that expression was. All he knew was that the air between them grew thinner and thinner, as if they were both wrapped in a vacuum, and he felt a pull at his heart, everywhere, as if she were the opposite magnet and -  
  
And then Charlotte kissed him.  
And what he felt in those three seconds when her lips touched his, gently, soft, everything within him changed.  
The fireball which had once been his heart exploded. Every single fiber of his body was lit up in pure warmth, and longing.  
He wanted her close. Closer than this, even closer.  
He _needed_ her close.  
Her lips on his, her body almost pressing against his, her soft skin.  
But the second he wanted to give into _this_ , whatever it was, she pulled back almost violently, staring into his eyes in pure shock.  
"Oh my goodn ... I am sorry." She jumped up, roamed through her hair. "I ... I am so sorry." The same hand she had had on his shoulder before, the same hand he missed.  
He should grab this hand. He should keep her, with him, here, now.

But he didn’t.  
The devil was in shock. He couldn’t move, his legs frozen to the ground. He couldn’t even bring himself to lift his hand as Charlotte stepped out of his embrace, out of reach, and literally stumbled to the elevator.  
Her name was on his tongue, but he couldn't speak, couldn't get it out. The last thing he saw was her taking a deep breath as the doors shut, a last time she shot him a glance.  
He wasn’t sure what he saw in her eyes, but it was not the same he knew was mirroring in his own.  
  


It took him a good two minutes to move again. He went outside. He needed air.

In the silence of the night, the silence of his appartement, lonely and on his own he realized that he indeed was drunk.  
But it wasn’t the alcohol. It wasn’t any drugs.  
He had had too many glasses of Charlotte Richards. And apparently … that was a drug that even got to the devil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm apologizing in advance for that cliffhanger and the very possible delay of the following chapter ... university stresses me out and I do not know when I'll be able to upload again, but I'll try my best!


	6. 5

He was confused. And he wondered how he even managed to sleep.

He wanted to see her, needed to see her, but at the same time dreaded it. Because he had no idea what to say to her. They had always … had a special bond, always knew what to say, what to talk about, when to stay silent, she mattered to him and touched his heart in a way no one had ever done, and that wasn’t only because she had been a vessel to his mom.   
And the reaction he had had yesterday, the fact that instead of recusing, he had wanted to kiss her back and keep her was clear enough that everything of him, his mind, his soul, his body, all saw her for the person she really was – Charlotte. 

He found himself driving to her appartement in the evening. He had no idea why, or what made him do it. He didn’t even go to Linda’s, nor did Maze kick his ass.   
He found his way upstairs in front of her door all on his own.

Because he … he wanted to be there. He wanted to see her.   
Though as he knocked he felt like running again, turning around and just run away because this, whatever it was, was getting between them, and …

She opened the door and his heart sunk south. Especially when her eyes widened as she recognized him he wondered if this had really been a good idea.   
“Lucifer.”  
He tried to smile. Wasn’t sure he succeeded. What was he even doing here? What was he trying to accomplish?   
“I’m not trying to play naïve and ask why you’re here.”   
Good. Cause HE didn’t know.   
Silence.   
Strained silence.   
His body wanted to step close, pin her against the wall and kiss her until they both couldn’t breathe anymore. His heart told him “wait”.   
“I’m sorry, I … I don’t know why I did this and …” He cut her off not by his voice, but his action. He touched her cheek, and she fell silent.   
He stepped closer. She didn’t recuse.  
They did not speak. He did not kiss her. There was no need to.   
"Lucifer, I ..." Her eyes darted, finding his. "What is this."   
She was asking _him_?  
"I have no idea." Because that was the truth.   
Silence, again. He just had to lower his chin so he could rest his forehead on the crown of her hair, and it felt ... it felt good. Really, really good. Especially when she stepped closer.   
“I … I like being close to you.”   
He closed his eyes. The words were easier to articulate than he had imagined. “And I like having you around.”   
The silence around them stretched again, until Charlotte inhaled deeply, recused and smoothened his shirt. "You should get going."

He didn’t need to ask “why”. Because he knew. And he knew he couldn’t stay, shouldn’t do that.   
Because she meant more to him than every other woman had ever.


	7. 6

She had never been one to fall in love easily, and she also didn’t fall hard. Usually. Years ago she had wondered if something was wrong with her, if there was something lacking.   
Then she gave birth to two wonderful children and at that point she knew that she was able to love unconditionally.   
Maybe it was her independent nature, the fact she had always promised herself to never give up anything of her own power just for the sake of a guy. She felt pity for the women who did, though she knew it did not concern her. She just knew, had always known, that she would never, ever give a person that much power over her so he or she would be able to crush her.

And maybe it was exactly that. She had managed to stay with Elliot for so long because of the kids, and because ... well. He never caged her.   
And Lucifer ...   
She inhaled. Lucifer was different than anyone.  
He was like her, in a way. And that made it ... weird and at the same time perfect. He had been there for her in the worst time of her life, and maybe … maybe that had impacted it.   
She had felt alone for a while now and only had realized now how much she had missed someone to come home to, to talk to, and to feel safe around -  
She jumped at the knock against her glass door.   
"Miss Richards?" It was the young intern, James Cavanough, and she wondered if she was glad for the interruption or not. “You are needed in the Chief’s office.”   
She nodded and decided to send a smile after him. “I’ll be right there.”

After he left, Charlotte straightened up and took a deep breath to collect herself. She did not know what it was between them, and right now she had to refocus.  
All she knew was she had to talk to him, and because she had never been someone to back off from an argument or a confrontation, she made a plan of driving by at his place tonight.  
  



	8. 7

"Lucifer? Are you okay?"   
He jolted at Chloe’s voice. No, he jolted because she touched his shoulder. Puzzled, he looked up, seeing her standing next to him. The expression on her voice showed concern. "Hey, listen, I ... I have been distant. And you know why.” He hid a scoff. Charlotte was right. He needed to give her time and space, still.   
Charlotte …   
Why did his heart do what it did whenever he just thought about her _name_?  
“But that doesn’t mean that we need to stop talking, okay?" She smiled. "Whenever you need me ... I'm here. Always."  
He put on a brave face. "Thank you, Detective. That ... I appreciate it."   
She nodded. "So ... do you want to talk?"  
He shook his head. "No. I just ... have to sort a few things out. On my own, I guess."   
Chloe smiled a little more, this time though sadness clouded her eyes. "Okay."   
  
…

  
It wasn’t just a drug.   
SHE wasn’t just a drug, something he craved at one moment and abandoned the next.

She was … like music.   
Lightened up his life.   
Gave him comfort in dark times.   
Was there when needed.   
Never judged.   
Made him feel … okay with being who he was.

Drugs and alcohol were nice, for a short period of time.   
But what he was truly addicted to, what he really could not live without, was music.

If Charlotte were a drug for him they would have found a way into his – or her – bed long before.

He cared for music. He lived for music, because it made him feel things he usually didn’t.   
Drugs cut down the emotions, dulled them. Music made him feel alive.

And Charlotte just invoked a new melody of life.

…

Their case came to an end very late in the evening and the Detective and him decided to get something to eat on their way home. She dropped him off in front of LUX, even giving him a smiley “see you tomorrow”.

The happiness, the lightheartedness, and the relief about his life not falling completely apart only lasted until he stepped into his loft. As he laid eyes on the one person he wanted to have close to him and also dreaded to see because suddenly he had no idea how to behave around her.   
“Charlotte.” His throat went dry. He swallowed. “What are you doing here? Did we …”  
“No, sorry, I just came here unprepared.”   
She seemed fragile, of a sudden. It was a different kind of fragility than the one at the beginning of their friendship, and now it made him nervous.

She fiddled with her hands, lowered her head. He took a step, shortened the distance between them.   
“Why are you here, Charlotte?”, he asked softly.   
He saw her shoulders tensing. Then she looked up, skyblue eyes burning into dark ones. “The truth?”  
He nodded. This time he did not play the confused one.   
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. Then she stepped closer.   
Very close.   
So close they almost touched.   
His heart went up into fireworks as her eyes bore into his. "I want to kiss you ... over and over again ..." She took a shaky breath. "I just want to be near you."  
Her hand went up, caressing his chin. He did not think about his action, just did what his heart told him.   
It wasn’t only that he wanted it. He also knew that it was the right thing to do.   
He grabbed her hand with his own and kissed her fingers. He felt her tremble and inhale sharply.   
"Lucifer, ever since I returned ... you were the only person I trusted, with everything. The only one who didn’t judge, or blamed me, or wanted something from me.” Her other hand found a way on his shoulder. “You were there for me."  
Her fingers clawed into his shirt and her breath was hot and rich with fresh tears as she leaned against his chest. "I just want to be near you."   
She was shaking. Not only her voice, everything about her was shaking.   
“Please.”   
It was the plead that was his undoing. And the absolute vulnerability in her voice.   
That was when he realized that he WAS her safe heaven. He was pretty sure she didn’t let a lot of people see her like this, and with him, she was unshielded, pure, didn’t put up her strong, bossy façade. She was just … a human, a flawed woman, who needed someone to confide in.   
She let him see her vulnerable, soft side.   
And that … that was a true sign. He threw his arms around her and she immediately melted into his embrace. He caressed her back, holding her close. Even closer. Because he couldn’t get enough of her.   
Lucifer turned his head and kissed the crown of her head. Her hair was softer, smoother than he had imagined. He closed his eyes for a moment, inhaled her scent, enjoyed the peaceful moment and the wonderful feeling of her heartbeat against his.   
“Would you like to stay?”, he whispered.   
She nodded instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there it goes ....


End file.
